I am not going to pretend I have any idea of what the families in Newtown, Connecticut are feeling today. There are no words that can describe the pain and sorrow that must be overwhelming the entire community.
Not to draw any comparison, but I have lost family and friends, some of them tragically and untimely. I really don’t think that makes me unique because most of the people I know have suffered similar losses.
Last week involved two tragic events. The first was a shooting in a Portland, Oregon shopping mall. This one hit close to home for me. This has been the mall I have shopped at for twenty years. I have also been involved in a handfull of construction projects on the mall campus.
The strange thing is that every year a few days before Christmas (yes, I am one of those guys) I go to that mall and do my shopping. This year, I don’t think I will. I have written more than one post recently about stuff and the things that are important. After last week, the things worth giving, I won’t find at the mall.
I had a hard time sleeping last week, wondering what it would have been like if last Tuesday was the day I was at the mall. I had a hard time staying focused at work on Friday after hearing the news about Newtown. Saturday night I was at a company Christmas party and I watched all the little kids running around and I realized just how precious life is and unfortunately, how fast it can be taken away.
Unfortunately, we will all deal with some level of tragedy in our lives and as I have reflected on the events of last week I realized that sometimes it’s not what we do during a time of crisis, it’s what we don’t do that makes a difference.
DON”T TRY AND FIX THE PROBLEM
Lives have been changed forever. There is no way to reverse what has happened. We can’t fix what has happened. What we can do is be there to support one another through the grieving process. Sometimes this means simply being there to listen or hold someone’s hand. Words won’t change the events that have occurred and more often than not, those most closely affected don’t need any words, they just need you.
DON’T LEAVE ANYONE ALONE
One of the initial emotions after a tragedy is feeling alone. Emotions are all messed up. There is no real clarity or understanding of why such things have taken place and one of the ways we respond is to try and shut it out. By seeking self imposed solitary confinement, we can eliminate the memories we once had in the hope that it will take away the pain. Don’t let those close to you go here. Regardless of how they might feel, they need their friends and family more than ever.
DON”T PRETEND IT DIDN’T HAPPEN EVEN IF THAT FEELS LIKE THE RIGHT THING TO DO
The fact is, these things do happen. As painful as it can be, the truth has to be recognized and accepted in order for any healing to take place. The best thing to do is celebrate the good memories that we have. Talking, sharing and reflecting about what was good is the fastest way to move forward in a positive direction.
At some time in your life, you will probably be in a position to take the lead in the healing process. What I have suggested above is not theory. I know first hand, how painful it is to lose someone and I know that there are ways to continue on with your life. We cherish the memories of those we have lost and although time heals all wounds, there will always be that scar that will help us to remember.
I have often seen the words “Lost, But Not Forgotten” used when remembering someone we have lost. This Holiday season, create some memories that will last forever. The reality is that someday that is all we will have left.
Today Matters – Make It Count!
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Barry Smith www.buildingwhatmatters.com 12/17/12 photo by author
