What is pain? I might ask ten people how they define pain and I would probably get ten different answers. A few years ago I would probably have a different definition that I do today.
Today I would define pain as “something that keep you from focusing on your goal. Something that takes your eye off the prize. Something that keeps you from reaching your potential.”
A broken leg, like that suffered recently by Louisville basketball player Kevin Ware would definitely qualify as pain. Pastor Rick Warren just lost his son to suicide – that would qualify as pain. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, we suffer from all different kinds of pain.
My friend and mentor Kary Oberbrunner in his book, The Deeper Path talks about two types of pain. Chronic pain and Acute pain. Chronic pain can last for years while acute pain usually lasts no more than six months at the most.
The point is this, we all suffer from some type of pain. Some types of pain can be masked with drugs, which fool your body into thinking that you are not hurt. I am not going to suggest that there are not situations when these types of painkillers are useful. But far more serious, in my opinion anyway, are the types of pain that go deeper than a smashed finger or sore back.
The kind of pain that I am talking about is from deep inside. The kind of pain that makes us search desperately for something to mask it, anything to make the hurt go away. The problem is that the pain does not go away. We simply numb it so we don’t feel it anymore. The problem is that numbing our pain numbs our potential.
I didn’t understand it at the time, but for many years I masked the pain of being a workaholic by justifying it with a paycheck. Sure I provided financially but at what cost! I used to plant myself on the couch after dinner and numb my pain by watching someone else deal with their problems so I didn’t have to deal with mine. I understand now how that did nothing but drive a wedge between the who I was and the husband and father I should have been.
I get it now, and that doesn’t mean that I have it all figured out, but I do know my purpose and I do know what I need to do to live the life I was meant to live. Now I embrace the pain in my life and use it to strengthen my desire and drive to become that person.
Going through the Deeper Path process allowed me to understand what I was passionate about and identify my purpose. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung said,
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parent.”
I have seen far too many people not living a full life, the life they were designed to live. Now I understand that my purpose is building what matters. What matters is people and I know that the experiences in my life have made me stronger and now I can help others overcome their pain and live out their life in a meaningful and complete way.
I don’t know what the pain is that you are suffering today, but I do know this – you are doing something to mask it and that something is keeping you from reaching your potential.
My encouragement to you today is to take control of your life, dig deeper than you have before and discover the path that you were meant to take and start living a greater life than you ever thought possible.
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Barry Smith www.buildingwhatmatters.com 4/8/13 photo by author
Hi Barry, thanks for a very open and honest article, and yes your bit about Rick Warren is so true. Pain to one person is totally different to someone else.
Thanks
Thanks Andrew. Pain can take many shapes but their is consistency in overcoming it. We always need to be ready to encourage and support those around us.
Pain has ruined the lives of so many. Many attempt to numb their pain with drugs and alcohol which usually causes pain for their loved ones. Thank you for sharing.
You are welcome Kirsten. Drugs and alcohol are certainly two of the big ones. The key is to be willing to take the first step in overcoming them.
Dear Barry,
The more posts I read from you the more energized I feel.
You are very generous to constantly refer to personal experiences to enlighten us.
Thanks for being who you are.
Your friend,
Johann
Thanks Johann. I so much appreciate your support. You definitely encourage my effort to be authentic and transparent.
Barry,
A very good article. Normally I can see where a reminder like yours would get me up off my “couch” aand get me going. However, I have been in so much pain and for so long, I think I forgot how to succeed.
I had a great job, lot’s of friends (I thought) and was having a great time now that I was single from divorcing my HS Sweetheart. It was a “Failure” but I bounced right back and had more “good life” ahead of me. Then it started to fall apart. The jobs sucked, and I did not perform as well. After an annual fall golf outing with some friends, I decided to get about the 15th knee surgury, but this was a replacement. Details are not needed, but I went in on Thanksgiving of 2001,(right after I got fired from a job I had 5 months. I was in a hospital or laid up at home until January of 2004. I took a job I didn’t like, found another one 6 months later. I was so excited I quit my current company on a voice offer. She denied the offer when I came in.
Long story short, I have tried multiple jobs and companies since 2004 (6) and in 2009 started my own business. I got married in 2010, but that’s a whole nother story. Since 2009, I have not had one piece of business, I have had $0 income for 4 years and surviving based on the gracious ness of my wife. Most of the time I just want to crawl in a hole and die, and suicide is always close to my head.
How do I climb out of the hole when I feel that after all this I am no longer on a good track, and each time I try to climb, I fall.
Help!