I am sure that you have heard the phrase “selective hearing” used to describe the lack of listening.  Big laughs, haha, most of the time I hear this it is used to describe men not listening to their wives.  Question for you here … which is more difficult, active listening or selective hearing?

Now that I have thoroughly confused everyone, I should probably explain to difference, the difference from my viewpoint anyway.  I would describe “selective hearing” as the ability to block out certain sounds and yes, this can even include people so that you hear only that (or those) which you choose to hear.  On the other hand, “active listening” enables the listener to take in all the information and pull out and process the relevant pieces.

I am writing this post as I sit in a hotel lobby and I have observed many very interesting interactions between all the people sharing this space.  Four men standing around a woman doing something on her laptop computer.  I am not sure what is really going on here, but the men are clearly listening.

A line at the coffee stand.  One person behind the counter is like a machine … take the order, fill it, next!  The other person, stopping to talk to the customers.  I wonder which one of these two likes their job more and I wonder which one will produce higher customer satisfaction … Just wonderin’.

He are 5 things to consider when deciding between active listening and selective hearing

1.  AWARENESS

To successfully do either, your level of awareness needs to be dialed in.  The difference, your awareness will help you eliminate something in one process and add in the other.  Do you want to add or subtract when given the opportunity?

2.  DEVELOPING OTHERS

I can pretty much tell you that when we practice selective hearing, there is little chance for any development.  You may eliminate something that could cause damage, but as far as improving, not going to happen … ya know – that old thing called “Return on Investment.”

3.  FOCUS

If you want results through active listening, you better be prepared to focus.  Clear you own mind of all the external distractions and zero in on the subject at hand.  Active listening takes work, but the rewards can be unbelievable.

4.  INSPIRATION

When was the last time you inspired someone by not doing or saying something.  Everyone likes to be inspired once and a while.  To really know what is going to make a person tick, you better be very in tune with where they are at.  Once you know what it is, you can provide inspiration.

5.  GROWTH

We all need to experience growth is some way in our lives if we want to continue to improve who we are.  Part of that process is helping others.  The best way we can do that is by listening to where they are at.  Encourage them, support them and listen actively so they are heard.

At the end of the day, people want to be heard.  The only way that will happen is if someone else is listening.  You need to make the decision if you are going to selectively hear or actively listen.

Look at it this way … If you want to be heard the next time you have something to say, you might want to stop now and give somebody else the same opportunity.  They might just have something worth hearing.

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Barry Smith   www.buildingwhatmatters.com   10/18/12            photo by author