Happy Holidays everyone!  We are definitely finishing strong with this month’s book mastermind. Adversaries Into Allies – Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion, by Bob Burg, gives a fresh look into how we can influence others while maintaining our integrity and character.

Some of you probably recognize Burg as the co-author of The Go-Giver, but this one is all his and according to the author, his finest work – the book he was meant to write.

Burg starts out by introducing us to the idea of Ultimate Influence ==> the ability to get the results you want from others while making them feel genuinely good about themselves, about the process, and about you.  You get that little piece of wisdom on the first page of the introduction.  So far, it only get’s better from there.

Burg suggests that Ultimate Influence is based on five key principles that occur on an ongoing basis.  Over the next three weeks I will break these down further but here is the list to get you thinking in the right direction.

1.  Control Your Own Emotions

I have been reading a lot about “control” recently and I have to agree with Burg on this. Staying in control will always yield better and more lasting results.  Our emotions push us to reacting instead of responding.  Who would you rather have creating your future – you or the other person?  Want results?  Take control!

2.  Understand the Clash of Belief Systems

As the author puts it; “Each one of us sees the world in a unique way based on a combination of upbringing, environment, schooling, popular media, and the people with whom we associate.”  I love this idea.  One of my mentors tells me all the time; “Hang around people that believe what you believe, but think different thoughts.”  I think Burg is adding clarity to that statement.  It’s not only the idea that people think differently, it’s also about how to process those differences in a productive “collaborative” way.

3.  Acknowledge their Ego

This is good stuff.  At the end of the day, no matter how much we are willing to give of ourselves and serve others, we still feel good one when someone acknowledges what we have done.  It’s simply human nature.  Unfortunately, some place too much focus on it.  But Burg’s point is clear – if you want to persuade someone to your way of thinking, part of your plan better include some type of positive recognition of the way they are thinking.

4.  Set the Proper Frame

Why is it that we choose to set ourselves up for failure when is most cases, with the right choices, we can set ourselves up for success?  Burg suggests that we have the power to set the proper frame.  It doesn’t matter if we moved first or the other person did.  What matters is our last move.  Why?  Because that is what sets the frame for the next move.  You are always one move away from success or one away from failure.  [Tweet Now]

5.  Communicate with Tact and Empathy

Burg makes the observation that; “Communicating tactfully displays a genuine regard for the other person, which will open the door to making him your ally.” Do first impressions matter?  Hello!  Think about the last time someone approached you and let’s just say “lacked a little tact” in the way they communicated.  How did that make you feel? Look, people want to feel valued and they want to matter.  Words matter and they matter a lot.  Use them wisely.  You never know when you might need an ally.

It’s hard to beat Burg’s take that pretty much frames out the rest of this series … “You’ll see that when you begin to control your emotions, consider others’ points of view and ego, create a positive atmosphere, and communicate tactfully and with empathy, you will get what you want in your personal interactions and relationships.”

We certainly have much more to look at in Adversaries Into Allies but let me leave you with this question today; “Which provides a better outcome – when they’re with you or when they’re against you?”

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Barry Smith   12/4/13   photo courtesy of burg.com   © Building What Matters 2013