Happy Holidays everyone! We are definitely finishing strong with this month’s book mastermind. Adversaries Into Allies – Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion, by Bob Burg, gives a fresh look into how we can influence others while maintaining our integrity and character.
Some of you probably recognize Burg as the co-author of The Go-Giver, but this one is all his and according to the author, his finest work – the book he was meant to write.
Burg starts out by introducing us to the idea of Ultimate Influence ==>the ability to get the results you want from others while making them feel genuinely good about themselves, about the process, and about you.
Burg suggests that Ultimate Influence is based on five key principles that occur on an ongoing basis. In this post, the second of four, we will take a deeper look into the first two principles (1) Control Your Emotions and (2) Understand the Clash of Belief Systems. Take a look at these and see if any of them might apply to your life.
1. CONTROL YOUR OWN EMOTIONS
- Responding Versus Reacting – I love this one! Responding is how you stay in control. React, and you are letting the other person control the outcome. How is that working out?
- Effectively Handle Verbal Attacks
- Make Calm Your Default Setting – What if you could actually accomplish this? Have you ever noticed that when they get louder, so do you? It does work in reverse – when was the last time you tried that?
- Overcome Anger
- The Persuasive Power of Positive Detachment
- Think Before You Speak
- Agree to Disagree – What would the world be like if everyone thought the same and agreed on everything? Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the best way forward.
- Consider the Source
2. UNDERSTAND THE CLASH OF BELIEF SYSTEMS
- Belief Systems – the Problems and the Solution – There is some great insight here. People’s beliefs are created largely due to what they have experienced in their life. Expecting someone to agree with you, just because you think you are right, is like expecting them to abandon everything they have ever known.
- “How Would You Define …?”
- Accept the Responsibility for Communication
- The Importance of Conscious Awareness – You know that I am a big awareness fan. When you are consciously aware, you can use all the information you have to create and communicate a thought. Isn’t that a better option that what you “have always done or said?”
- Personal or Not? How Do You Know?
- Love Languages from Liberty the Cat
- First, Know the Issue. Then, Choose the Words
- The Answer? Based on What Information? – Better the question, better the answer right? It works the same when making decisions. Better the information, better the answer. Have you ever tried to complete a puzzle without all the pieces?
- Perceptual Realities Equal Different Conclusions
- Change Your Non-Serving Beliefs to Be More Productive
Well, there is a taste of the thoughts and ideas found within this book. I encourage you to pick up a copy and fill in the stuff I left blank on your own. Some of the chapter headings listed above don’t make a lot of sense until you listen to Burg’s wisdom. Now is your chance!
We certainly have much more to look at in Adversaries Into Allies but let me leave you with this question today; “If you stayed in control and recognized that other people can believe what you believe, but simply think about it a little differently, that it might just make sense to work with them instead of against them?” Just a thought!
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Barry Smith 12/12/13 photo courtesy of burg.com © Building What Matters 2013
