Happy New Year everyone! We are definitely finishing strong with this month’s book mastermind. Adversaries Into Allies – Win People Over Without Manipulation or Coercion, by Bob Burg, gives a fresh look into how we can influence others while maintaining our integrity and character.
Some of you probably recognize Burg as the co-author of The Go-Giver, but this one is all his and according to the author, his finest work – the book he was meant to write.
Burg starts out by introducing us to the idea of Ultimate Influence ==>the ability to get the results you want from others while making them feel genuinely good about themselves, about the process, and about you.
Burg suggests that Ultimate Influence is based on five key principles that occur on an ongoing basis. In this post, the third of four, we will take a deeper look into the third and fourth principles (3) Acknowledge Their Ego and (4) Set The Proper Frame. Take a look at these and see if any of them might apply to your life.
3. Acknowledge Their Ego
- Don’t Shame or Embarrass – Never criticize or condemn publicly. Always seek to build up and encourage! Ultimate Influencers build trust and empower others.
- Be a Judge, Not a Lawyer
- The Principle of Agreement – Avoid using the word “but” because in most cases, it eliminates what you just agreed to.
- Ego Repair
- The Power of Handwritten Notes – Remember the wisdom of John Maxwell; “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” What are you doing to tell others that you care?
- Edification – a Powerful Key To Influence
- Do You Look for Disagreement? – Respond before you react. Set yourself up for success and find the things you can agree on before the things you can’t.
- Compliment the Uncomplimented
- Caught in the Act! … of Doing Something Right – This is one of my favorites. How often do you catch someone in the act of doing something right – and then recognize them for it?
- “I Appreciate Ya” – When was the last time someone told you they appreciated you? When was the last time you told someone else?
4. Set The Proper Frame
- Positive Expectation Works, but Not Why You Think It Does – Simply stated, you get what you expect. No it doesn’t always work but when you believe in a positive outcome instead of a negative one, you will be much more successful.
- Framing Your Influence in Your First Conversation – First impressions, right? Simply make the conversation revolve around the other person and you set the tone for everything that follows.
- Sometimes’ It’s Good to Let ‘Em See You Sweat
- The Ransburger Pivot
- The Value of the Correct Phrase
- “What Can I do to Help?”
- Win by Making the Other’s Case First – Understanding and accepting the fact the the other person has their own thoughts and ideas, and believes them to be true, puts you in the position to control the outcome.
- Help Them to Live in the Solution – The best way to create an alliance is to bring a solution. Wanting to solve the problem indicates your attitude of working towards a solution – no matter who comes up with it.
- Avoid Negative Framing
- Don’t Fall Victim to the Either/Or
- Persuasion Secrets of a Ten-Year-Old
- Change Your Frame, Change Your Life – Want allies? Turn negatives into positives. No it’s not easy, but staying in the negative will never solve anything.
Well, there is a taste of the thoughts and ideas found within this book. I encourage you to pick up a copy and fill in the stuff I left blank on your own. Some of the chapter headings listed above don’t make a lot of sense until you listen to Burg’s wisdom. Now is your chance!
We certainly have much more to look at in Adversaries Into Allies but understand that people generally believe they are right because their beliefs are based on the experiences they have had. Right or wrong, until you recognize that they believe what they believe, you will find it difficult to persuade them otherwise. So ask yourself this question – Is it really worth the fight or is working together going to provide a better outcome?” Win-Win outcomes are OK!
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Barry Smith 1/3/14 photo courtesy of burg.com © Building What Matters 2014
