One of my favorite quotes by John Maxwell is “People don’t care about how much you know, until they know how much you care.”
I believe that the best way to let people know how much you care is to communicate in a way that tells them you do.
One of the biggest challenges I have had to overcome in an ongoing effort to improve my communication skills is active listening. In the past, I have had a tendency to respond with my opinion before the other person had even finished their thought. My guess is that if you are willing to be honest with yourself, you have been guilty of the same act.
It takes effort to be a great communicator and we all know the importance of communication. The problem lies in the fact that we are typically more concerned about adding value with our “opinion” then we are will simply listening to someone else’s. OK guys, I know we are “fixers” and have some strange desire to save the world by solving every problem that comes along. Guess what? Most of the conversations we are involved in, don’t require any fixing.
Have you ever wondered why women speak more words per day then men do? It’s because they are more concerned about the relationship and less concerned about “fixing things.” Intentional or not, women are better communicators. Their genetic makeup allows them to care more about what is being said.
Alright, this post is not about a battle of the sexes, it is about being a better communicator and how that can improve our lives and raise our level of success in whatever we are doing.
The thing that people want more than anything is to feel valued. The best way we can do this is to validate their feelings. I know … guys don’t talk about feelings, right? Well, that is right to a certain extent. Remember when I said that women are better communicators? This is why – their focus is on the relationship.
Again, this has statistically been shown to be true so it’s not just me saying it. The fact is, women are better at validating the feelings of the person they are communicating with. So let’s all take note here, not of the gender issue, but of the simple fact that validating a person for how they feel, regardless of how you may really feel, opens the door to interject what you believe and creates an environment that is conducive to better “two-way” communication.
Are you being HONEST and AUTHENTIC when communicating? Do you practice PATIENCE when LISTENING? Are you ENTHUSIASTIC and CHARISMATIC about the things that matter to you?
Do you use words that AFFIRM and ENCOURAGE? Does your DECISION MAKING help in PROBLEM SOLVING and CONFLICT RESOLUTION? Are you being held ACCOUNTABLE for your PLANNING and TIME MANAGEMENT practices?
Are you clear on your MISSION and your VALUES? Is MANAGEMENT being RESPONSIBLE in protecting your REPUTATION and in providing CUSTOMER SERVICE?
We need to let our conversations focus on the person that we are communicating with and allow them to write us into the conversation. Until that happens, they are not going to care what we know anyway.
So today’s encouragement is this: The next time you want someone to care about what you know, you better let them know how much you care!
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On May 23rd, at 8:00 pm ET, I will be hosting a free call introducing “The 5 Pillars Of Influential Leadership” Coaching Program.
This will be a content filled call that will not only teach you about influential leadership but also about leading an intentional and successful life. The words in capitals above are topics within Pillar #4 – COMMUNICATION.
This is the fourth of five posts related to the 5 Pillars that will go out prior to the call on the 23rd.
For more information and to register for the free call CLICK HERE.
To see the first video on Pillar #1 – AWARENESS click here
To see the second video on Pillar #2 – ENVIRONMENT click here
To see the third video on Pillar #3 – GROWTH click here
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Barry Smith 5/20/13 photo by author © Building What Matters 2013
