I recently finished reading “Give And Take – A Revolutionary Approach To Success” by Adam Grant.  I was not familiar with the book or the author but Give and Take came highly recommended by Jeremey Donovan who wrote “How To Give A TED Talk” that I reviewed earlier this year.

Rarely do I read a book in which I am not familiar with the author or the content.  In the case of Give and Take, I’m glad I did.  Grant has taken a very unique look at the difference between givers and takers and how different paths lead to different results.

This will be the final of three posts in which I will briefly summarize each of the nine chapters.  Grant suggests that most people fall into one of two categories; givers and takers.  Matchers are the in-between group and operate on the principal of fairness and strive to preserve an equal balance of giving and getting.

CHUMP CHANGE – Overcoming The Doormat Effect

In chapter seven, Grant shows how to avoid the three major traps that plague many givers in relating with other people: being too trusting, too empathetic, and too timid.  He describes how to avoid these risks and overcome them by acting less selfless and more otherish.

Speaking from my own shortcomings, always seeing the good in people even when it resulted in making the wrong decision, I can see how by doing this we can become doormats.  We believe that at heart, people are good or are trying to do good.  Unfortunately, this is not always true.

In short, we can be givers but at the same time be assertive for what we believe will improve ourselves in the effort to become better givers.  Thus we can work on our own forward movement while still maintaining a giver’s attitude.

THE SCROOGE SHIFT – Why a Soccer Team, a Fingerprint, and a Name Can Tilt Us in the Other Direction

Did the chapter subtitle get your attention?  Chapter eight has Grant telling a few stories showing how takers begin to change when they see how giving can make a difference.

This can happen when the givers and takers meet on common ground, such as a soccer field. There is a sense of community when we hold common interests in each other.  That common interest can actually create a shift in the takers when “giving” will benefit the community they belong to.

Not enough room to share the entire concept here but this I know; the Reciprocity Ring can be a real life changer.  What’s a Reciprocity Ring?  C’mon now, I know I should be generous, but I can’t give everything away!

OUT OF THE SHADOWS

Grant closes the book by restating the idea that if you “focus attention and energy on making a difference in the lives of others, success might follow as a by-product.”  He has definitely proven his point.

He sums it up like this (at least from the perspective of a giver); “Whereas takers view success as attaining results that are superior to others’ and matchers see success in terms of balancing individual accomplishments with fairness to others, givers are inclined to characterize success as individual achievements that have a positive impact on others.”

This book has really opened my eyes to the logic that sits behind our “giving.”  These three chapters have shown how there is still hope for the takers in the world.  Grant asserts that most of us are matchers which has helped me come to the conclusion that the real difference makers in this world we live in are the Self-Confident Givers.

This is just me theorizing from my takeaways from the book but I believe the givers that suffer from low self esteem are likely to be the doormats while the self-confident givers are the ones that will become more otherish and succeed.  Just a thought!

I am going to stick with the same question I had last week.  Why?  Because I think you might just answer it a little more intentional this week – “What are you currently doing to empower those around you and what are you doing that tell them that you believe in them?”  It will be the self-confident givers that take you and your team to the next level.

• click here and take The Give And Take Assessment.
• Click here to read Part 1
• Click here to read Part 2

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Barry Smith    8/21/13   photo courtesy of Amazon   © Building What Matters 2013

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