Respect is one of the most important values, qualities or characteristics we find in any relationship, personal or professional.  I also believe that it is one of the most misunderstood.

Dictionary.com provides a pretty good picture of what I’m talking about:

esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability: I have great respect for her judgement.

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgement: respect for a suspect’s right to counsel; to show respect for the flag; respect for the elderly.

Do you see the difference?  One is about the person and one is about the position.  I have observed that these two definitions are often misused in understanding how we “respect” other people.

I think the word respect get’s used too often and too easy by most of us.  I think people use the word without truly understanding the real meaning.  The last time you said your respected someone, did you really think about why you respect them or was it just a good thing to say at the time?

I don’t think it would be right to post about respect without giving an example of someone I respect a great deal.  The guy in the picture is my coach, mentor and most importantly, my good friend Kary Oberbrunner.

Kary is a well respected author, speaker and coach.  But what does that really mean? He is successful?  He is accomplished?  He knows what he’s talking about?  Sure, probably all of the above.  But I would suggest that it’s who he is that has gained him that respect, not what he has done.

My point is this – I think a lot of people are well respected in their field but not necessarily as individuals.  In my opinion, respect is earned and I don’t really care what you have accomplished if your values and behavior don’t represent a lifestyle worth respecting.

I have only known Kary for about a year and a half, but during that time I have seen him continuously give to those around him and without any expectation of return.  He simply leads a life to add value to other people.  I believe that the success he has achieved in business is due to hard work and caring about those that he serves.

Now don’t misunderstand me, Kary is a regular guy just like you and me.  Similar struggles and similar challenges – just ask him – he will tell you.  But the thing that makes him different than most is his authenticity and transparency.  He has no fear of laughing at himself if the story can help someone else.  How often do you wish the people in your life had those traits?

I have a handful of people in my life like Kary and they all add value to me on a regular basis.  In fact, these are the type of people that I turn to when I need help because I know they will be there.

This post is not to tell you how great of a guy Kary is, it is to describe how people like Kary are the type of people we should respect because they have earned it through their actions and not their accomplishments.

One thing that Kary has taught me is that you don’t ever want to be like someone else. You simply want to be a better “you.”

So is respect about the person or the position?  You can make your own decision but for me it’s about the person.  For me it doesn’t matter what success I achieve in life.  If I can’t be respected for who I am and only for what I have done, I have completely missed the mark.

Challenge yourself to think of someone you respect and then try and come up with ten reasons why you respect them.  When your done with the list, see how many are about who they are and how many are about what they have done.  Just sayin’

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Barry Smith    8/5/13   photo by author   © Building What Matters 2013