Look at that, I already have you thinking and you haven’t even got past the title of the post yet.  I love it when that happens.

Self-confidence is one of those funny things.  You don’t really understand it until you get it.  No, not “get it” like understand it, I mean get it like “get it.”  Self-confidence is a process and a difficult one at that.  Our culture does several things to keep you from getting it as well as giving it to you under false assumptions.  Let me explain.

First, the world we live in teaches that failure is bad and that the more you fail, the worse off you get.  If you have been reading any of my posts lately, you know that failure is actually a means to success.  From failure we not only learn the wrong way to do things, but we also learn that doing things wrong is ok because we can learn from those “failures” and build our confidence from the lessons learned.

Second, our society has gone overboard to make sure that everyone feels good.  Somehow by rewarding people, especially children, for everything they do will somehow build up their self-esteem and self-confidence.  Well I suppose it will short term, but what happens when they get into the real world where simply “participating” get’s you just about nothing?

You can choose to agree or disagree with my comments in the previous two paragraphs but the bottom line is that “authentic” self-confidence is the only thing that will provide lasting results.  So let’s take a look at the idea of self-confidence.

WHY DO I NEED SELF-CONFIDENCE?

Self-confidence is the tool that allows you to be you.  Not just you, but the best you that you can be.  We all have beliefs and those beliefs make up who we are.  The problem is that when we don’t have the confidence to “walk our talk” it results in a less authentic model of who we are. Maybe even someone we are not.

WHERE DO I GET SELF-CONFIDENCE?

You build self-confidence by doing the right things at the right times no matter what other people will think.  If this is a new concept for you, it won’t be easy at the beginning.  But continue and people will recognize you as a trusted, respected individual.  Even if they don’t agree with you, they will appreciate the fact that you actually believe in something and are willing to stand behind it.

WHAT DO I DO WITH SELF-CONFIDENCE?

Do you consider what other people will think of you when you speak or act in a certain way? Or are you so totally convicted by what you believe in that you will do what you do and say what you say regardless of what other people think.  Now I am not saying don’t be respectful or courteous, just be solid in who you are.  That is what self-confidence does for you.  As my mentor John Maxwell has taught us; “you cannot give what you do not have.”

Go back to the title of this post.  What would you try if you had the confidence to do it?  I know there is at least one thing.  Did you know that most people have more regrets for things they wanted to do and didn’t than things they did do and wish they hadn’t? [Tweet This]

Simple challenge for you today folks.  Make a list of the things you want to do but have not had the self-confidence to do, pick one, and GO DO IT!

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Barry Smith   12/9/13   photo by author   © Building What Matters 2013